How Gavin Newsome Made Me a Criminal (Maybe)
I have received my unsolicited vote-by-mail ballot. So have others in my household who never actually vote even though they apparently registered to vote at some point in their past. It’s not clear to me why they are each reluctant to vote when each election rolls around, maybe distaste for politics, maybe disillusionment, maybe apathy, maybe laziness. It turns out they would each be happy to sign their ballot and let me cast their votes as I see fit.
My normal character, conditioned over many years, compels me to avoid illegalities at all costs. I make full and complete stops when turning right on a red traffic light, so casting multiple votes didn’t occur to me for a very long time. But then I thought of the voters on the other side of the political spectrum and realized they would probably be willing to cast multiple votes if presented with the same opportunity. In the current political climate, we view those on “the other side” with suspicion and believe them capable of foul and dastardly deeds. How can I NOT exercise my Gavin-given right to cast multiple votes? My side would certainly lose ground in such an election if we didn’t seize every conceivable advantage.
As it turns out, voting multiple times in this manner may not technically be illegal. The “under Penalty of Perjury” part of the Declaration of Voter on the outside of the return mail envelope, where the voter signs, simply asks the voter to affirm (paraphrasing here for brevity) that “I am the person whose name is on this envelope, I reside in the precinct, at the address shown, and won’t vote in another jurisdiction.” There’s also a warning that “Voting twice constitutes a crime,” but this isn’t happening, technically speaking, since each ballot has a valid signature from the proper voter. Members of my household are breaking no laws by signing, as each is the proper person signing the proper ballot in accordance with all legal requirements. They are a perceptive group that just happen to recognize wisdom and keen judgment when they see it.
What’s the result of all my rationalization? Without the blanket ballot mailings, my household would normally cast a single ballot, mine. Now I have the opportunity to submit two more ballots from my household that would otherwise not be cast. Is this the new meaning of getting out the vote? I have not yet decided to cheat, and will probably agonize over the possibility until my upset stomach reminds me that I’m not cut out for a life of crime. But, I’m fearful that Gavin Newsom has shoved me down the slippery slope of lawlessness that may one day land me in the slammer. Maybe I’ll be lucky and bail will be a thing of the past, along with one-person, one-vote.